Week 14 is over!

Another week gone by…it was actually yesterday that I weighed in, but I didn’t get a chance to post it.  I lost 1.4 pounds!  Not too shabby.  I also *finally* hit the 30 pounds mark!  I honestly can’t believe that I’ve lost that much.  It’s almost a third of the total amount I need to lose.

Yesterday on my lunch break from work, I went over to Target to grab some cans of soup.  I hadn’t been shopping in forever, so I also decided to check out the clothing section.  I ended up finding a really cool purple dress, but was hesitant to try it on since the short sleeves were fitted.  I carry a TON of weight in my arms, so I figured that based on past experience, the XXL wouldn’t fit.

I must have been feeling gutsy, because I grabbed an XXL and an XL and tried them both on.  To my complete SHOCK the XL fit perfectly.  I haven’t been an XL in a store in over 2 years.

It’s one thing when I see the 30 pounds on the scale, but it’s another when I can actually feel different.

Strangely, despite coming off of a momentous week, I am really struggling this week.  I am only 2 days in, and I’ve only got 8 flex points left.

I am also visiting home this weekend to see family and go out with friends, so I really need to save those points.  Fortunately, it’s magically warmed up in WI for the day, so I might get out for a long, long walk this afternoon – providing that the rain holds off.

Anyway, that’s about it…now off to my early morning class!  My afternoon class is cancelled today!

Stressed…

I have been working on a new project for some people at school, and their requests are nuts!

The long and short of it is that they would like their entire website redesigned and re-inputted into that design. It’s a lot of work…and I am busy with school. When I took on the project, I didn’t realize they would want weekly in-person meetings and constant email contact. They’re basically looking for a full-time designer. Needless to say I have my own real full-time job plus school, and I don’t have time for this. Not to mention, they’re not thankful at all. In fact, they’re kinda rude! I thought it would be a good addition to my portfolio, but they have no web knowledge and have no idea how much work they are asking someone to do. Just inputting the old information would take a few weeks. We’re talking hundreds of pages here.

Anyway, I just had to get that off of my chest. Classes are done for the week, and I’m really glad about that!

I am thinking that I might go to a friends tonight and color her hair. We might have a few drinks and just watch some TV! A pretty relaxing evening.

Tonight we made some delicious cauliflower for dinner. I took an Indiana seasoning packet from whole foods, a can of crushed tomatoes, and two heads of cauliflower and simmered them in a pan together. Then added a few teaspoons of olive oil, salt, and pepper. It was delicious! I ate quite a bit of it though, and my belly is rumbling. Argh….fiber!

The weather here is starting to clear up, and I am anxious to get out running again soon. I am so excited to make fitness a real part of my life.

Well, I’m off to take a little nap before going to my friends!

Week 13 is OVER!

I had another good week this week, and I lost again!  -1.8 pounds!  I was even out of town (again) this weekend visiting a friend who is going to the Peace Corps in a week or so.

We went out and danced pretty much the entire night on Saturday night, so I am thinking maybe that helped burn a few calories.  5 hours of crazy dancing, haha.

I know I have been slacking so bad at blogging, and I’m not sure what the deal is.  I’ve just been really, really busy and haven’t had much time to think, let alone write about my thoughts.  I am hoping this will get better over time.  I am doing well though, so that’s good!

The results…

Week 12 is OVER!

Phew…I FINALLY got a minute to update this.  I have been losing my mind…work…school…sleep…repeat.  Fortunately, I did well last week with staying on plan (well, I went over my flexies by 2 points….but I usually overestimate for wiggle room on everything I eat so it didn’t matter).

My results are great!  I lost 4.2 pounds this week, which is kinda insane.  I think it’s because I was sooo bloated last weigh in.  I basically lost last weeks gain plus 2 more pounds!  I’m back on track!

I really can’t believe we’re on to week 13!  I will be back to update later on this week.  I have to go work on some homework now!

What has changed since November 17th, 2008?

I am sitting on my futon right now thinking about what has changed since day 1 on the Weight Watchers program.  More specifically, what has changed with me…not necessarily with my body.  It’s really easy to let days go by without noticing positive change in myself.  When I think back to the reasons why I decided to re-join the program and the person I was at that time, I feel really sad.  I feel like a completely different person now.  Here’s just some of the positive changes…

1. Back in November, and the several months that preceeded it, I was completely lethargic.  I never left the house unless I had to.  In fact, I couldn’t be bothered to even get up unless I absolutely had to dislodge myself from my futon.  Now days I am driving again, going to work and school, happily no less, and I regularly go to the grocery store, gas station, even out to bars without scuffling along with my head down.
2. In November I was having difficulty walking up stairs, getting out of bed, and even taking a shower.  I would become physically exhausted simply from washing in the shower.  Now I delight in showering and pampering myself with a manicure and scented lotion afterward.
3. In November, I had no self-respect.  I hated myself.  I didn’t want to be alive.  In fact, I don’t think I really understood how depressed I was at the time.  I didn’t even think I was worthy of worrying about my depression and self-hate.  Now, this is something I still struggle with.  But every day I am working toward reminding myself that I deserve a new nail polish color, face lotion, winter boots, or a little more expensive healthy food.  It’s a curious thing to regularly deny yourself EVERYTHING that makes you happy as a means of punishment.  I am much better and ever improving in this department.
4. In November, I hardly ever slept.  I would wake up every hour or more in the night with trouble breathing or aches and pains from lying in a certain position.  Now, the pressure of lying down doesn’t affect my breathing.  I remember going to bed one night before I started losing weight and wearing a tank top.  My neck fat had become so severe and abundant that I needed to get back up and put on a higher necked t-shirt because I was sweating under my chin and being partially suffocated because of this fat.  Now, I have no such problem.  A lot of the weight I have lost has come from my shoulders, face, and neck…I am so relieved to be sleeping better.
5. Before November, I was embarrassed to speak in public, in class, at bars, or at stores.  I never voiced my opinion.  I didn’t want anyone to know I was there.  Now, I am working on speaking regularly in class.  I am working on actually believing that the things I think and have to say are important.

There are still tons of issues I deal with on a regular basis.  The center of these issues always come back to self worth.  In some way I think that my weight gain was a way of proving to myself that I was worthless in every way.  I felt invisible and miserable, and I though that was all I deserved.

Now I realize that losing over 23 pounds, and nearly a quarter of all the weight I need to lose, is more about how I feel than how I look.  Yes, I want to be healthy and look good, but more importantly I want to feel good.  With each of those 23 pounds, I have lost fat and gained self worth.  If this is how things are looking up after 23 pounds, imagine when I lose all 103 pounds.  I cannot imagine.  I look forward to the day I hit goal, but I also realize that every step of this journey, no matter how much I’ve lost, I am better off that November 17th, and I am better off than just a day before.

Week 11 is OVER!

Yep!  The week is over!  I am glad, because as I had previously blogged….I had a bad weekend with going out too much, drinking too much, and eating too much!

My 12th week actually started yesterday, but school is crushing me so I didn’t post.  The results are BAD.  Wow, this is my first bad week in 3 months…my worst week ever!  But I knew it was coming, and I’m having a stellar week already this week to repair it.  I am back in the saddle and cranking away!

Yep, there it is.  A gain of 2.2 pounds.  Now, you may be thinking “wow, what on earth did you eat????” but in all honesty it wasn’t that bad.  I had 12 points worth of fries and a vegetarian gyro as well as a half a sandwich that contained cheese and mayo.  That’s it beyond my points values.  That food, plus all the sodium of my other foods, plus alcohol is causing MONSTROUS water retention.  When I weighed in, my scale measured that I was 5% higher body water content than I normally am!  Wow!

Anyway, like I said, I am back on track and expecting an awesome loss this week!

I also realize that I need to start doing the following two things:

1) consuming MUCH less sodium

2) blogging more

So my plan is to start doing both of those things this week again!  Also maybe I should include eating my good health guidlines…which I have been slacking on.  Anyway….back to school work.  I will check in later!

Crazy Weekend

I am sitting at home right now trying to recupperate from a completely insane weekend.  I stayed with friends for the weekend, and we drank our way from Friday to Sunday.  We went to a million bars, sang karaoke, ate out at 3am with all of the college kids after bar close, went to a house party, and I got some crazy looks when I busted my notorious drinking dance moves.

I am feeling really happy about how much fun we had, but I am also feeling guilty because of how many points I drank.  I ate light to compensate, and I had 16 flex points saved up for the weekend…I’m still not confident that I will have a loss.

I guess I’m struggling between saying that I made the choice to go over my points for the sake of fun, but that I had to accept that it might mean I didn’t have a loss.  I hate the feeling of the “black or white” that is always in the back of my mind.  I keep wanting to say to myself that since I went over my points that I am done.  That is NOT the case.  I am picking myself up and moving on.  I got to celebrate a really fun weekend with a friend who is leaving for the peace corps, and besides…I can’r change the past.  I can only shape the future.

Next step: weigh in tomorrow morning!  I am nervous…but we’ll see what happens!