Another one bites the dust!

Silly title. I know. Anyway, I am a busy bee today because i’ve got class, but I wanted to check in. I weighed in this morning, and I lost a nice, even 2 pounds this week!

That’s a total loss of a little more than 34 pounds! I can’t wait until that number is 40!
I am finally at 219. Getting closer and close to that magic number, 199. I seriously can’t belive that in 19 pounds I will be below 200 again. Seems unreal. It will be the first time in 4 years I was below it. And then, only briefly because I was dieting. So it will be the first time in 6 years that I have weighed that weight comfortably, and not on any crash diet.

Having short-term goals totally helps.

Quick Blog: ALERT!

Wow….I am sitting at my desk at work, and I suddenly felt inclined to cross my legs. I haven’t been able to for over 2 years. And…I can now. Small victory, but a tremendous success nonetheless. Go me!

Another week down…

I weighed in this morning and I lost another 1.2 pounds!  Even over spring break!

I am excited to be really working toward my goal again…almost 33 pounds lost!  I can’t wait to make it 40!

Bad weekend :(

I had a really boring weekend.  I hate that I have been complaining so much lately…or not blogging at all.  I have just felt like total crap.  There’s nothing to do and most of my friends have moved away since they’re done with school.  I have two good friends who I hang out with all the time, but we don’t ever do anything exciting really.

I have gotten into a rut of just drinking and watching tv on Friday and Saturday night.  That’s it.  I never feel like going out, because I am not comfortable with my physical appearance.  I literally crave interaction with people my age, but I can’t get up the nerve to ever go out.  When I do I just sit there with my two friends and we don’t talk to anyone.  I am desperate for a change of scenery.

Milwaukee is not a city I ever really wanted to live in, but when I first moved here I knew a lot of people.  Me and three friends moved here from Indiana and quickly made other friends.  For the first 4 years we knew a lot of people, and then everyone graduated and eventually moved away.  Even the family that I had here is now gone.

I’m painfully shy and awkward in public, and I don’t make friends easily.  I have been waiting to really push myself to go out in public more until I shed some more of this weight, but the depression from lack of entertainment is slowing me down.  I’ve only lost 2 pounds in the last 3 weeks.

Tomorrow is weigh in, so I am happy to get new points and start fresh.  I even went out running yesterday for the first time this spring.  I can run about 20% better than I could last year even after practicing because I have lost 30 pounds.  I can’t believe how much easier it makes exercising!

There are things to look forward to…but I am hopelessly depressed lately.  I dunno…I guess that’s it.  I am going to go back to cleaning my apartment now.

Ups and DOWNS!

I am publishing this quickly while at the office, because I have a ton of updates to come! I have been away again visiting friends and family, and have had some tough times with food…especially with St. Patty’s! I had to skip this week’s WI since I was out of town, but I am finally home and back on the bandwagon. Longer update to come…

Spring Cleaning!

I guess I shouldn’t really call it that, because I only cleaned one room of my house.  I finally got around to picking up the laundry I had throw everywhere.  I also opened the windows, plugged in a “Wallflower” from Bath & Body Works and vaccuumed everything!  I feel much better now!

This week has just been FLYING by.  Today was my last day of class for the week, and it’s officially spring break!  I do have to work Thursday and Friday, but this weekend I am going back to Indiana to see family and friends.  I am looking foward to it!

I have been doing really well with food this week.  I am 3 days in and I still have most of my weeklies left!

Well, I just wanted to check in since I have been the worst about blogging lately.  I will be back to chat later

Week 16 is over!

My weigh in was on Monday, but I am just now getting around to blogging.  I am pretty proud, because I lost again.  My loss has been small the last few weeks, but it is consistently going down.  I had a weird hiccup last week where I was bloated like CRAZY for weigh in, and then the next day all of the weight magically came off…hence the 3.6 pound gain and then 4.2 loss.  I’m just glad those pounds are gone!

I am just going to keep sticking with it.  I have been feeling bloated and gross because I have been eating too much junk food.  I have been so busy with work and school and sometimes its just too easy to grab a 7 point grilled cheese from Culver’s drive through.

Tonight, however, I completely avoided it!  I chose a salad, veggie sushi, and a bottled water from Whole Foods instead.  I am feeling a little bit cheated, because I can just imagine that delicious grilled cheese, but I am really proud that I resisted it.  Me and Culver’s relationship was getting a little too cozy!  We’re on a break for a while

Anyway, I have an obscene amount of homework tonight.  I’m off to finish it!

Sick and feeling down.

In some ways, the last year of my life has been really, really great.  I am in the home stretch of college.  I cannot wait to be finished.  Though there are days where I feel like I want to quit, I also have a great job.  Well, a great job for someone in college.

I am feeling really down tonight.  Maybe it’s because I have the flu, but I just feel really underaccomplished.  If I would have told myself 10 years ago that this is where I would be now, I would have been beyond depressed.  Living in Milwaukee, overweight, a has-been musician, and still in college.  Accepting money from my dad at the age of 25 has become so painful, I feel like hiding my head when I get a check in the mail.  All I want is to be on my own.

I realize that to get where you want to be, you have to work hard.  It’s not that I don’t want to work hard to make a better future, but sometimes I just get really down and feel like that since my life isn’t what I wanted it to be at this age, that no matter what I do, it will never be what I want it to be.  My grades are good, my experience is probably double or triple most college kids’ experience, and I am already housing shopping and job searching in CA…but I am so un-optimistic.  I need to get out of this funk.

What I want in the next 5 years is to graduate, move to Los Angeles, get an apartment, and find a great graphics job making enough money to comfortably support myself.  I almost feel nervous to say it though, because I feel like it will never happen.

I have always dreamed so big… but I feel like my life and myself…let me down.  It’s like I went from 100 to zero.  I used to think anything could happen, and now I feel like nothing ever will.

While I am having a moment of real self-pity…or maybe self-worry is a better way to say it, I realize that getting consumed with this feeling is about the worst thing I can do.  It’s just really hard to be positive some days.

I haven’t weighed in this week (Monday was my day) because I have been too sick to get up and do anything.  I am switching my WI day to tomorrow morning for this week only.  I guess I am Debbie Downer today, but I am also going through a rough patch with eating this week (and last week) as well.  I’m not tempted to quit, but I have definitely been struggling.

I guess that believeing I will ever be thin is just another one of the things I don’t believe will ever really happen.  All-in-all, I just can’t imagine anything good happening to me.  I have been depressed, overweight, and in limbo with school/parent dependent for so long, that I can’t imagine it ever changing.  Or maybe I feel like I don’t deserve anything to change.  I don’t know…

I guess I will make a list of positives to cheer myself up and remind myself that being down never makes anything better.

What Makes Me Happy Right Now:

1. I am in week 16 of my weight loss.  I have lost 30 pounds, and I feel better physically than I have in a few years.
2. I am closer to being done with college than I have ever been.  One more year, and I am a career woman!
3. My grades are better than they have ever been in my life, including grade, middle, and high school.
4. I have noticed a change in my maturity, respect for myself, and respect for others of the past year.  I am proud that I have grown up a lot.
5. I am much better with spending money than I have ever been.  I always make sure bills get paid before anything recreational is bought.
6. I like myself more than I have in a long time.  Sure, I’ve weighed less during college, but I haven’t liked myself like this since I was a kid.  It’s a much better mental place to be – to be comfortable in my own skin.
7. I have a great relationship with my brother, and now that we’re older, I can depend on him more.  He’s a great friend, and I am lucky to have him.
8. I have been working hard at my photography, and I am really happy with the progress I’ve made.
9. I am always learning, and at least trying to stretch my knowledge and skills of many things.
10. I have great mentor in my dad, and I can rely on him when making really important decisions.  My family is a great resource for making my life better and happier.  Without them I wouldn’t have a clue what I was doing.

Well, that’s a nice list.  I am going to try my best to keep my chin up… sometimes I just don’t understand why life has to be hard.

Weigh-in coming tomorrow.  Fingers crossed.  I need to kick this weightloss in the butt so I can be good-looking for shorts this summer!  My goal is to wear shorts for the first time since high school.