Really, really bad week.

So last week was supposed to fun, right? As it turns out, it was terrible. I was overworked to a point where I slept about 4 hours a night and couldn’t find the time to eat or run. I haven’t done a run in 7 days, and I feel SO out of it. I weighed myself this morning, and I lost 4.4 pounds this week because of the lack of food. I have been running on coffee and the occasional snack. I don’t even want to know how bad I killed my metabolism. I’m sure at least half of that weight was muscle as well.

Today I have to work on getting caught up with work and school. I also need to get back in the gym. I ate breakfast, and I am going to work back into eating my usual small, frequent meals.

In addition to all of my outrageous workload, I threw a party for my roommate and had a little too much to drink. We invited people who were friends as well as people from her work, and I completely embarrassed myself in front of them. I bothered and bugged them…and hugged two of them…ugh it was a NIGHTMARE. I was “that girl”….”drunk girl.” I am humiliated. In addition to just feeling really foolish, their reaction totally killed my confidence. I apologized over the internet, but who knows if I will ever be able to see them again to redeem myself. Like they say, you can’t take back a first impression. I thought maybe they would hang with us again. Since most of our friends moved away after school, we could definitely benefit from a few extra people to hang around. Turns out they really were super turned off by me, and we just politely saying “don’t worry about.” They never offered to hang again, though.

I am feeling really down. I hate to complain, but I feel like I really messed things up and ruined my friend’s birthday. I blew my chance at friendship with some cool people, and there isn’t anything I can do about it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t understand why simple things like being a friendly person and acting normal at a party are SO HARD for me. I don’t understand why I can’t just be a normal person. I feel like I’ve taken one step forward and two steps back.