What I’ve got to say – to myself.

I was sitting here, still feeling really crappy (see last post for explanation). Then I started thinking about how I am still new to this “loving myself” concept. Before, the slightest upset would send me spinning off my axis. Over the last few months, I have done a great job of protecting myself. I don’t go out much anymore, and I’m surrounded by real friends/family. Then, last week I let someone rock my boat. I think that instead of letting this throw me off plan and get me down, I need to use it as a learning experience.

Here’s what I know about the situation, and how I will(or will not) let it affect me:

1. I was going to be at a party with people I didn’t know. That scared the hell out of me, so I drank too much. What I learned from that situation is that even nervous Sarah is better than wasted Sarah. I need to face my fear of public situations head on and show my true colors. I am fun to talk to and my opinions and thoughts are great. I need to show people that.
2. If I do happen to make a mistake, a bad impression, upset someone – I can’t let it ruin me. I can’t always control how people think of me. Sometimes they don’t get me or they misunderstand me. I can’t let that spin me off my axis and send me hurling into the misery of regret, loneliness and self-doubt. No one is interested in a sappy, needy mess. I don’t want to be that. I will only become that if I let other people affect me to an unhealthy degree. I am not going to do that anymore.
3. Now for the hard part – pick it back up and dust it off. Keep on trucking. Maybe I built things up, maybe things weren’t perfect, maybe I got it twisted. Maybe someone else did – either way, there are other people, other places, other times, when I will shine and it will be awesome. Unfortunately, that one party wasn’t one of those places and times.
4. I have to “do me.” I’m the only me I’ll ever have, and I’m the only me I’ve got to work with. I am going to put the best face forward, keep my attitude positive. I’m a great person when I want to be, and I consciously choose to be.

We’ll see what the future has to offer. I can do this, I can keep moving forward. I am worth it.